Wednesday, 12 July 2017

feel ashame on myself..

Dear diary..
aku maluu..
sumpah aku malu.. ngan dia..

aku malu dh nak chat dia..
aku malu dah nak mrngadu dengan dia.. aku maluuu
aku malu.. bila dia selalu ada untuk asfa.. tapi asfa ni.
mcm perempuan bodoh jak..

i had a bad dream lastnight..
i dream that we broke up..
dalam mimpi tu..
amjan nemau dah tengok muka asfa..
dia block asfa .
dia nemau dah dgr suara asfa.
dia nemau dgr dh.. smua tentang asfa.
dia tak kesah pun..
dia langsung x kesah..
sampai satu malam..
asfa x tahan tanggung rindu..
malam2 time hujan lebat..
asfa bejalan kaki.. dr kongsi 10 ke kongsi lapan..
asfa menangis depan rumah amjan.
asfa kol dia..
dia tak angkat..
bepuluh kali pun asfa kol dia tak angkat...
sampai.. arin turun.. dr rumah..
dia suruh asfa balik..
dia kata.. abg amjan x mau jumpa kakak..
im crying so hard in the rain..

teringat mimpi tu ..
buat asfa sedih sangat...

and.. pagi..
bila asfa bangun dr tidur jaa..
asfa tengok chat dia..
asfa dengar lagu yg dia bagi..
dengar jak lagu tu..
asfa teringat balik smua mimpi asfa..
asfa menangis lagi pagi tu..
asfa.. xda selera mau makan pun seharian..
asfa xda mood pun mau bgun dr katil..
xda mood mau ketawa..
semua xda..
asfa balik2 tgok ws jak..
balik2 tgok last chat nya jak..

and keep saying to myself..
"im useless"
"im useless"
"im useless"..
asfa takut dah mau chat dia..
asfa takut dia tak terima asfa..

if u said that im a crybaby..
cengeng apa semua..
u can said it all..
seeing ur man hurts..
ur baby hurts.. will hurt u more..
thats love..
asfa rasa sakit sangat..

i know..
mimpi cuma mainan tidur..
tp.. apa yg asfa mimpi tu.. seakan terasa benar..
its hurt ..
its huuuuuuuurrrtttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i miss u jan..
i miss u so much lastnight...
but u said.. u dont want me to disturb u.. and as soon u off ur phone lastnight..
it makes me feel so useless..
i cant do anything for u..
i hope u call me back..
but u dont..

i just dunno..
what should i do.. ?
what should i do?
what should i do?
am i really that useless!?

im just so sorry..
u can take my life jan.. for my punishment..
coz my life just for u..
seriously.. that dream tot me a lot..
jan.. if u hurt.. just be honest.. to me..
asfa netau sampai bila abg bole tahan.. smua ni..

i miss u..
dont leave me jan..
dont hate me.



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