Thursday, 25 May 2017

just a bad night.. i guess

Dear diary.. 
i dunno.. i guess i just feel loss lastnight..

eventhough i know myself that he might be sleeping.. coz he is offline.. 

i try to calm myself.. 
im off my phone.. 
but.. just for 30 minutes.. 
im hoping that he text me.. 
but he didnt.. 
and.. its really made me sad.. 
angry.. 
stressed.. 

im checking the ws like crazy.. 
im waiting.. and waiting.. 
when im asleep.. 
im still waiting.. in my sleep.. 

i just feel alone.. 
but i know.. 
that one day.. something like this might happen again.. 
but not for just one day.. 
maybe for a long time.. 
and im gonna used to it.. 

and when i realised that.. 
i hold myself.. 
my hands.. my fingers.. my mind.. 
to not text him.. 
to not think of him.. 
to forget him.. 

but..
i cant lie.. 
my ❤ really hurts.. 
i cried... 
i cant lie that i think bout him..
i cant lie that i miss him.. so much.. 
i cant lie that i need him..
it hurts so bad.. to do all of that stuff.. 
coz im not being me...
and eventhough i keep telling myself that i wont wait for him.. anymore..
but heart still want to wait him.. 

theres one thing i like bout crying.. 
for sure.. maybe everyone can say that they love to laugh.. 
but for me.. 
i like crying even more than laugh.. 

i have a concept.. that.. 
if u laughs a lot.. 
u will cry a lot for the next day.. 
but if u cried a lot.. 
tomorrow might be ur happiest day.. 

i just a believe on that.. 

btw .. 
its just...
i just need him rn.. so bad..
i just want to be with someone..
so im not feel alone...
so i know, at least theres someone also care bout me..

for some reason..
i cried a lot not just becoz i need him..
im just miss him to pick me up when im arrived at tawau...
i miss that feeling..
i miss that excitement..
well.. i will just hope that..
u re always healthy..
i miss kissing u and hold ur hand..
as soon as im arrived..
i guess thats the biggest reason..
why i feel so awful.. lastnight..

i miss him so bad.. i guess.. 
i love him so much.. 
thats all.. 


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