Wednesday, 22 February 2017

strugglessss

Dear diary..
its feel so nice when i can hear him breathing everynight..
i wish i can remove my trauma.. by doing that..
and..  dream that i dont want to dream..
my nightmares..
i hope it gone soon..

and, so lastnight he read all of the memos..
yeahh asfa tau jugaa amjan bukan jenis yang akan buat benda tu setiap hari..
he have his own rules..
no one can order him..
except, he want it by his own..
so, when he decide to read it all..
im not that surprise,,
as long, he read all of it...
i guess theres more things that i dunno bout him..
sometimes he is an secretive person..
yaa asfa ngaku, i dunno much bout him..
but, sometimes theres things need to be kept alone kan...
till the right time comes..

lastnight..
lucu jugalaahhh..
balik2 dia jumpaa memo yang asfa tulis..
"u are mine" n "i love you"
hahahaha
memang dah agak jugalah yang dia akan feel annoyed ngan benda tu..
i like that part bout him..
a funny side of him..
tapi, memang orang lain susah nak faham diri kita sendiri kan.
diri kita sendiri jaa yang bole faham perasaan kita ni..
so, i didnt blame anyone lahh..
its just me... 

do u guys know...
"because im stupid, by ss501"
its a song..
but, if u have time kan..
read the translation..
someones favourite song, can describe a lot bout a person,,
so, this is my favourite song..
how i feel..
what i think...

u know...
when my mother ask me..
how much i love him..
asfa tediamm jak..
sebab macam rasa.. dia ni macam sebahgian dr hidup dah..
like if u wanna live..
u need air.. foods.. clothes.. and shelter..
and now... i have five..
air, clothes, foods, shelter and him
asfa tau..
asfa tau yang asfa xle sayang sangat ngan orang sampai camni..
but, loving him makes me happy..
benda tu yang asfa nak buat..
diri asfa sendiri yang mau..
i cant lie to myself..
i hate to feel regret..

asfa fikir dia setiap masa..
time bangun pagi... dia pegi keja ka sudaa..
time study.. dia makan ka suda...
time tengah hari.. dia rehat ka sudaa..
time balik.. dia balik ka sudaa..
tipulah... kalau sehari asfa tak fikir dia...
sebab memang namanya jak balik2 beputar d kepala asfa..
nama dia.. takkan pernah hilang.. kabur pun takkan..

i dont want to forget bout him..
so, dont make do it..
i love u hard.. so damn hard..
if u cant see it, i hope u can feel it
at least..

i hope that 80%.. will be maintain forever..
memang.. susah lah nak perasan,,,
yahh sukar nak perasan benda ni..
but sokaylah..
one day he knows..

asfa takut jaa lahh..
asfa takut kalau.. asfa tak dapat control diri asfa dah..
so, maybe i need to slow down rn..
hope it works..

i dream bout him lastnight..
wearing his purple jersey..
tapi cuma... sekilas pandang jaa lah..
im just watching him.. 

he had been the best that he can to be my boyfriend...
and i cant love any other man.. like i love him rn..
thats why i want to keep this memories till last..

asfa.. memang takkan lupa lahh..
saat dia lap muka asfa..
suap asfa..
i feel protected so much..
sebab biasanya.. asfa sendiri yang minta suap..
but, dia sendiri mau..
sampai satu tahap asfa fikir kan..
asfa rasa asfa akan jadi gilaa kalau dia tinggalkan asfa..
asfa takkan jadi diri asfa sekarang ni..
i will not me anymore..
coz, i cant find someone like him anymore..
tiada pengganti bagi diri nyaa...
just him all alone..

asfa memang jenis orang yang takkan senang percaya orang lain.. dah
lepas dah kena kan,...
yaa, asfa tau dia pun macam tu..
but  seriously.. i really put a trust on him..
yahhh theres some of my friend badmouthing bout him,,
kadang2 macam mau tampar jugalahh orang macam tuu..
but sokaylahh... i said..
i trust him..

i dont want to come back to the past..
i just wanna see the future of me with him..
asfa nak tauuu..
asfa still ngan dia ka..
dia masi sayang asfa ka... macam dulu jugakk..
dia akan sehat ka...
who he will gonna be with.. me or other person..
memang lah.. kalau difikir.. lama2 bole kasi stress..
but.. memang tu lah yang asfa fikir..
i think to much bout him..
maybe dia sendiri pun tak fikir  sebanyak asfa fikir sal dirinya sendiri..

this love of mine is unbreakable..

i just hope the best for him..
gonna cheer him..


takecare mylove

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