Saturday, 28 May 2016

luahan hati

Dear diary...
bengkak dh mata...
asal lepas jak kol ngan amjan..
mesti airmata kuar..
dr smlm gik..
apalah dah jadi ngn asfa...

asfa mmg tahu.. amjan tetido dh smlm
but nasiblah.. dia x record jugak..
I'm crying last night.. like crazy..
hugging my pillow.. so that no one can hear me.. especially him..
asfa luahkan dh smlm...
walaupun.. amjan x dgr..
mmg x nak dia dgr pon..
I just can't..
hopefully lah post ni pon dia x baca..
but I think.. amjan x baca jugak kot..
hurm...
asfa x tido smlm.. sampai jam 1am...
I'm just hearing his voice.. from the phone.. saying.. "I love you".. like a hundred times.. without reply..
I'm hoping lah.. dia sedar..
but.. maybe dia penat btul smlm...
I understand...
and yah.. I'm crying.. and I guess.. only me and my pillow know it..
skang.. tulis blog ni pon.. le kuar airmata.. donno lah.. pa mau jadi..
subuh td pon sempat gik nangis..
padahal... kering dh airmata.. sbb smlm... but still.. x dpt tahan jugakk..
I guess it just my bad week..

asfa x le dh dgr suara amjan skrg..
trus menangis asfa...
td pg pon amjan kol..
kuar jugak airmata..
and cepat² nak off phone..
supaya amjan x perasan..
cengeng eh asfa...

donno lah..
macam dapat rasa jak kehilangan dia...
semakin lama.. dia semakin hilang ni...
nasiblah.. smlm sedih.. beair dah hidung.. nasiblh x diperasan..

and.. asfa blom cerita gik.. ngn amjan..
tyme moyang asfa meninggal aritu.. asfa pengsan..
coz.. asfa rapat sgt ngn nenek asfa tu..
yahhh I want to tell him..
but mlm tu.. amjan pon penat kan...
smua org penat..
so simpan dlm hati jak..
tu lah pasal kot... the next day nya asfa demam..
muntah².. sbb xda selera mkn..

asfa pon lain dh perangai di umah ...
pendiam dh sikit asfa...
but.. still asfa xkn ubah perangai n sikap asfa kat amjan..
asfa tau dia bad mood jugak..
asfa pon bad mood..
but.. kalu dua² bad mood susah kn?
biarlah asfa nak buat dia happy..
I'm trying too..
walaupun susah..
kena try jugakkk..

hati sendiri.. jaga sendiri lah faa..
besar dh kan...
stay strong asfa...

and now.. I can't see his pictures..
baru jak td amjan.. bg pic..
trus kuar airmata .. haha
I miss him so much..
netau mcm mn nak lepaskn sedih ni...
as I said..
if ur lover is sad..
u ll feel sader than him..

dahlah faa..
buat x tau jak lah sal semalam..
macam xda pa² berlaku..
donno lah.. mlm ni..
I think.. menangis gik lah mlm ni..

asfa bukan nak simpati pon drpd sesiapa..
cuma tulah... I can't hold it any longer..
it just hurt so much..
so I cried.. to let it go..
so I can feel peace.
even though.. only for a while..

hurm.. yelah..
hahahaha.. dahlah..
meluah jak aku ni..
xda dh tempat meluah kan?
nak meluah kat org lain pon..
org x kn faham..
so luah kat diri sendiri jelah..

simpan jak dlm hati..
utk yg terbaik..
amiin..


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