Thursday, 25 May 2017

just a bad night.. i guess

Dear diary.. 
i dunno.. i guess i just feel loss lastnight..

eventhough i know myself that he might be sleeping.. coz he is offline.. 

i try to calm myself.. 
im off my phone.. 
but.. just for 30 minutes.. 
im hoping that he text me.. 
but he didnt.. 
and.. its really made me sad.. 
angry.. 
stressed.. 

im checking the ws like crazy.. 
im waiting.. and waiting.. 
when im asleep.. 
im still waiting.. in my sleep.. 

i just feel alone.. 
but i know.. 
that one day.. something like this might happen again.. 
but not for just one day.. 
maybe for a long time.. 
and im gonna used to it.. 

and when i realised that.. 
i hold myself.. 
my hands.. my fingers.. my mind.. 
to not text him.. 
to not think of him.. 
to forget him.. 

but..
i cant lie.. 
my ❤ really hurts.. 
i cried... 
i cant lie that i think bout him..
i cant lie that i miss him.. so much.. 
i cant lie that i need him..
it hurts so bad.. to do all of that stuff.. 
coz im not being me...
and eventhough i keep telling myself that i wont wait for him.. anymore..
but heart still want to wait him.. 

theres one thing i like bout crying.. 
for sure.. maybe everyone can say that they love to laugh.. 
but for me.. 
i like crying even more than laugh.. 

i have a concept.. that.. 
if u laughs a lot.. 
u will cry a lot for the next day.. 
but if u cried a lot.. 
tomorrow might be ur happiest day.. 

i just a believe on that.. 

btw .. 
its just...
i just need him rn.. so bad..
i just want to be with someone..
so im not feel alone...
so i know, at least theres someone also care bout me..

for some reason..
i cried a lot not just becoz i need him..
im just miss him to pick me up when im arrived at tawau...
i miss that feeling..
i miss that excitement..
well.. i will just hope that..
u re always healthy..
i miss kissing u and hold ur hand..
as soon as im arrived..
i guess thats the biggest reason..
why i feel so awful.. lastnight..

i miss him so bad.. i guess.. 
i love him so much.. 
thats all.. 


Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Jangan rabun please... ❤

Dear diary... 
u know last.. lastnight.. 
i had a strange dream.. 
and i guess its nightmares.. 

i dream that i saw him driving.. 
but at the same time.. 
the sun shines so bright.. 
and its hot that day.. 
i saw him wiping his eyes.. wih his hands.. coz the sun hit his eyes too much.. 


so...
when im wake up..
all im thinking is just.. 
to buy him his sunglasses.. 
i hate seeing him hurting his eyes while driving.. 
yeah but okay im not blame the sun bcoz of its brightness.. 

the same day.. 
which is lastday.. 
im searching for his sunglasses.. 
hahaha.. 

yah i hope he likes it lahh.. 
and.. i hope the sunglasses functionunglasses.. 
hahaha.. 

yah i hope he likes it lahh.. 
and.. i hope the sunglasses functions perfectly.. 


and at the same time.. 
i guess im quite enjoy myself lastday.. myself.. 

actually.. 
im feel a lot horrible lastday.. 
coz.. i need help to accompany me.. to go to the mall.. 
but.. 
when i ask my friend.. 
everyone still giving the same old reasons.. 
and.. whats make me more sad.. 
when i scroll over all of my contacts..
i cant see any contacts that i can rely on.. 

tbh.. i eat a lot last day.. haha.. 
coz i feel sad.. so.. 
thats why i guess.. 

so.. sokaylahhh.. 
i guess good friend.. will come to me soon.. 

i have the same old principe since i met him .. 

"soon.. on the right time and the right moment.. you will meet and get what u want".. so stay focus and be happy with what u have

macam amjan lahh.. 
ndak dicari.. pun
tiba2 muncul hahahaha.. 
like fairytales kan kami.. 
asfa sleeping beauty.. amjan my prince.. 
my prince who come to save me.. 
when i really need him.. 
hahahaha.. 
❤ 

k dahh ngada sudaa.. 

so.. kita sabar syak k.. 

❤❤❤❤❤ 
3 days to Ramadhan.. 

Sunday, 21 May 2017

Goodnight Jan..

Dear diary ..
u know.. asfa rasa macam makin lama makin terasa sangat dah rindu ni..

whenever my soul whispered..
"faa i wanna meet him"
"faa... i want to hold his hands again"
"please faa.. let me see him again"
im screaming out loud hearing and thinking all of these...

i cant sleep early..
words that he said.. always remind me..
over and over again..

yaa.. asfa pun nemau layan sangat perasaan ni semua.. fikir asfa tahan ka?
asfa lagi ndaa tahan..
tapi.. kalau asfa makin tak layan..
makin benda tu terasa sangat..

jan.. i miss u..

i dunno how u can control ur feelings.. but for sure its really uncontroable at night..

its gonna be the fifth monthsarry..
i hope we can make it till the 2nd ann..
but i want till we got married.. ❤

kenangan semakin bertambah..
sudah semestinya halangan akan makin susah..
makin mudah terasa..
makin mudah salah faham..
but u know what..
what i really like about it..
when after the fightings we start all over.. coz we still love each other..
missing each other so damn much..
i will makesure that nothing will break us apart..

abang jaga diri yaa..
for this week.. jangan fikir banyak lah..
makesure jaa makan sepuas puasnya....hehe..

if we are about together for over 2years.. i will still gonna ask u to not letting me go.. over and over again.. 


"If loving u is wrong, I will never want to be right"..

love you.. Jan❤


Friday, 19 May 2017

dia tidur dah..

Dear diary..
Asfa jarang dah ni tido awal..
But dia pulak tido awal dah sekarang..
Huhuuu.. bukan rezeki lahh chat ngan
lama2.. Hmmm..

no lahh.. yaa asfa faham jugalah..
dia penat kan.. hmm takpalah..
rindu jaa..

masa yang paling best dan asfa rindu..
chat semasa lewat malam ..
cerita sal apa2 jaa lah..
biarpun cerita tuu macam cerita kosong jaa kan.. tapi cerita tuu semua buat chatting tu makin syiok..
dapat ketawa sama..
tersenyum bersama..
terbayang bersama..

tapi.. jarang lah dapat buat macam tu..
Susah lahh.. dengan masa dan keadaan yang tepat serta sesuai jaa benda tu boleh berlaku.. asfa rindu sangat masa tuu.. sebab semasa tengah malam macam ni lahh.. kita rindu orang yang paling kita sayang.. paling kita kasih..
paling kita rindu..

memang take dinafikanlah..
asfa suka cerita sal masa lali dan kenangan asfa dengan dia..
kadang asfa tanya.. benda yang asfa tahu.. saja jaa asfa nak tahu dia ingat ka tidak masa tu..
tapi tak bermakna jugalah kalau dia take ingat tu tanda dia tidak kesah kan.. tiadalah juga macam tu..
asfa cuma nak tahu jaa samada dia perasan atau tidak..

kadang kan.. Asfa rasa macam terlalu terpengaruh dengan pemikiran orang lain.. Asfa pantang dengar " weh dorang si.. Bla.. Bla.. dah break.. padahal dah 3 tahun sua dorang tu.. "..
I really hate hearing that words..
For some reason.. I will be over thinking.. Overstressed.. overprotective.... Just like all my hormones.. explode and mix at the same time..

I'm just so worried..
Yah I know.. I can said it like million times.. That I won't leave him..
I will search every possibilities.. to stay with him..

If I need to find a guy other than him..
It will be his clone.. Or no one but just him..

I wish.. I can expressed all of my feelings for him.. But I can't..

U know.. I've had a nightmare last night.. and for the first time.. That I wish its only a dream.. sebab selalunya asfa nemau bangun kan dari tidur tuu..

hope u always in a pink of health..
And happiness.. In all ur day.. bang..

 Remember me.. throughout ur days..

Love from me..

Thursday, 18 May 2017

i dream you coz i miss you..

Dear diary..
i dunno lahh..
i just dont have any mood lastnight..

ibu asfa sakit..
demam batuk semuaa..
and abah jaa yg jaga ibu..
asfa ngn kakak jauh dah..
so asfa rasaa mcm kesian jaa ni..
nenek pun xdaa..
dorg tiga orang jaa d rumah..
ibu tuu jarang sakit..
tp klu dia sakit...
lama tuu dia sakit..

and disebabkan telampau fikir bendaa ni.. asfa temimpi ni .. hahha..
asfa mimpi ada pertandingan memasak.. but kena guna maggie lah..
kena hidgkn mknn tu ngan maggie..
asfa.. abah.. and dua org pempuan netau sapa hahahaha...
kami betanding ni...

asfa bakar ikan..
yg mcm selalu ibu asfa buat lahh..
dia pedas, rasa masam sikit n manis sikit.. abah asfa pun masak jugaa..
hahahaha.. mcm asfa rasa.. kalah jaa asfa ni.. dalam pertndingn ni.. smua org dpt hadiah.. hadiah diaa duit.. hahaha..
asfaa pun netau lahh napa le mimpi benda ni..
tapi ibu ada kata lahh.. usahaa jak.
menang kaa kalah.. fikir belakang..
hmm.. mimpi tuu buat asfa tmbh rindu ibu.. sedihh ehh..

lepas mimpi tu kan..
asfa tebgun mcm jam 4 gitu..
then lepas tuu.. asfa tetido lagi..
but kali ni..
mimpi benda lain lagi..
asfa mimpi amjan..
hmmm ni lagii rinduuu.. ;(
asfa mimpi kan.. asfa p rumahh dia..
tp netaulahh asfa tyme tu x guna tudung pun.. asfa ikat jaa rambut asfa..
adalahh seorang tu dia hidangkan asfa makan nasi ubi.. hahaha.. asfa pun netau apa tuu... but dia rasa macam ubilahh.. cuma dia nasi..
masi panas lagii.. tapi sedapp lahh.. hahahaha.. asfa memang dapat rasa nasi ubi tuu..
then kan.. amjan datang..
dia jeling jaa asfa..
asfa pun netau napa dia jeling ..huhuu..
maybe dia marah or mejok..
i dunno..
amjan datang kan..
dia terus duduk belakang asfa...
dia duduk.. tapi tangan nyaa d rambut asfa.. dia belaii rambut asfa..
diaa belaii lagi..
dia belai lagi..
sampailahh asfa abis mkn nasi ubi tuu hahaha..

then.. asfa mau p cuci tangan ni..
lepas cuci tangan kan..
asfa lalu depan bilik amjan ni..
asfa masuk kejap bilik dia..
tapi.. amjan slalu kata bahh bilik nya selalunya besepah.. tapi bilik ni.. ndaa hahaha..
lepastuu asfa mau kuar..
ngam2 mau kuar jaa..
amjan mau masuk bilik.. naaahhhg hahaha.. abislahh kedapatan..
tyme tuu malu lahh.. masuk bilik bujang kan hahaha..

tyme amjan tengok asfa d biliknyaa kan.. dia senyum ni..
but senyum nyaa lain macam..
ingat kaa kes d kbox harituu?
kes mau kuar tp x jd? hahaha..
amjan buat camtuu lagi kat asfa..
dia tutup pintu bilik nyaa.. then dia renung mata asfaa.. thenn..
asca tebangun.. hahaha
sebenarnya ada lagi..
but only for 21+ jaa..

i just miss everyone...

love you all.. stay healthy.. ❤
Blinking Domo