Wednesday, 26 July 2017

love the present.. ❤

Dear diary..
one of the best feeling..
is knowing that u re wanted..
knowing that someone missing you..
someone wants to talk to you..
and someone who l❤ve you.. just as much as you love him..

its good to know..
how much they love you..
how much they care..
yeah.. eventhough u dunno how much is it.. coz  u cant see it..
feelings is not an object..
its invisible..
u just can feel it..
by their touch..
their eyes.. the way they stares at you..
the way they wants you.. just for themselve..
the way they want to keep you forever..

yeahh but sometimes..
people will forget about it..
so thats the important thing..
to always care and show them how much u love em..
and yup.. it will be so tiring..
but.. if u really2 love em..
u would not.. gonna feel tired at all..
u will feel happy and fun to do it..
coz.. thats why u want to hv relay wif him.. u want them to feel happy and always get attention that they deserve..

about the past..
u cant change people past..
u just can change the future by the present .. by now..

so.. just smile.. have fun with the present.. and continue wif my diet haha.. i just cant bear any fats having sex in my body anymore..
just please.. divorce.. -_- as soon as possible.. hahaha..

oh yaa.. amjan love you.. ❤❤❤
tak lama kan 1 1/2 tahun anniversary kita.. wuhuu..

sayang abang amjan.. takecare..
my love ❤

Friday, 21 July 2017

hope u feel the same..

Dear diary.. 
i still dunno why i love touching his skin.  
soft, smooth, comfy.. 
i love touching him.. 
everytime i date wif him.. 
the first thing i will hold and touch was his hands.. 
his warm and comfy hand.. 
feel like home.. 

i love his nose the most.. 
his cute tiny nose.. 
i will feel so close with him.. 
his nose feels ticklish and soft..
i miss it.. 
and not forget his arms.. 
i love to lay my head on it.. 
hug it.. while he driving.. 
and the smells.. 
huaarrgghhhh i miss it so much.. 
still remember how he smell.. 
he smell nice.. though.. 
thats why i love to hug him.. so much.. 
real tight.. ❤❤

i love to stare at him.. 
without he notice.. 
the way he smiles.. and his laughs.. will make my heart so calm.. 
and smile while thinking of him.. 

i will hate myself if i hate him.. 
if wif my first ex.. im not couple for 2 years.. 
if wif him.. 
i wont ever think about to have any man after him.. 
i will just accept the fate.. 
i just dont want to get hurt anymore.. 

thats why.. 
i wont let him go.. 
coz i love him so much.. 
so much than he can even imagine.. 
i miss him.. all the nights and all the days that i have.. 

i miss him so much.. 

love u Amjan.. ❤
love u so much.. 

Sunday, 16 July 2017

learn.. ❤

Dear diary... 
lastday was really.. a hectic day.. 
i cried so much.. 
and im feel happy too.. 

time asfa gaduh ngan ibu pun.. 
asfa dah nangis teramat sangat dh.. 
and yah.. 
i just want someone to be there for me.. 
as long as theres a person cares bout me.. 
and.. he was there.. 
and i knew he was worried.. 
coz.. i cant control my tears and sadness yesterday.. 
yah maybe he tot that something horrible happen to me.. 
and yes.. it just a slightly horrible things.. 
sebab.. asfa kol dia.. 
behingus2 lagi hidung.. 
and air mata suma mengalir ni.. sampai phone pun basah.. 

yahh.. betul lah kata dia.. 
asfa xle jugak amik hati.. klu hal mcm ni.. 
cuma mungkin barusan lagi kena pukul kan.. tu lahh mcm tu.. 

bila fikir mcm.. 
asfa ni kena pukul time umur dh 20 lebih.. 
klu org lain kena pukul camni dah dorg lari rumah.. sebb rasa terok dh.. 

so.. sokaylah.. 
im okay now.. 

and he also true.. 
that my mom gimme a hug.. 
yup she did gimme hug lastnight.. 
and i feel so terrible .. 
maybe sbb asfa muntah kuat sgt ni smlm.. and asfa sakit kepala.. kan.. 
migraine asfa dtg.. 
and mlm tu.. abh yg bagi asfa ubat.. 
ibu time tu masi tidur.. 
so.. nda lah kali time tu dia perasan.

then lepas.. 
asfa makn ubat smua.. 
asfa baring lah.. then koling ngn amjan.. 
then tiba2 jam 12 lebih.. ada org ketuk 
asfa sangka kn apa td.. 
rupanya.. ibu ni.. 
menangis2 depan bilik ku.. 
ibu tanya.. 
faa demam ka? 
faa sakit kau nak?
tekejut jugalah asfa.. 
asfa x nangis pun time ibu pelok asfa tu.. tp asfa nangis lepas ibu masuk bilik.. 
then.. lepas tu.. amjan tidur.. dah.. 
yahh baguslah dia tidur juga sudaa.. 
sbb dia lemas jugaa smlm.. 
km dua2 sakit ni smlm.. 
asfa nemau jaa amjan dengar lagi asfa nangis bah.. 
tu jaakk.. 
klu ada pun.. 
sbb asfa nda tahan jaa suda kali.. 

but u know .. 
sbelum chat amjan tu.. 
asfa tefikir jugaalah.. 
yang asfa ni tak berhak nak minta perhatian and pujukan dr dia.. time asfa sedih.. time asfa ada masalah ni.. 
sbb asfa xda pun hadir time dia perlukn asfa.. 
so.. time amjan buat asfa gelak tu smlm.. 
asfa nangis lg balik.. 
but this time bukn sebab ibu.. 
sebab asfa selalu jak mengecwkn dia.  tp amjan.. sangat sempurna ni bg asfa.. 

klu bukan sebab dia lah.. 
mungkin lama dah relay km ni.. putus.. 
and maybe tiada makna suda... 
sebab dia lah yg selalu bg semangat.. smua apa.. 

i just want to do the best thing i can.. 

semoga cinta ni.. akan terus kekal.. 

love u ❤

Wednesday, 12 July 2017

feel ashame on myself..

Dear diary..
aku maluu..
sumpah aku malu.. ngan dia..

aku malu dh nak chat dia..
aku malu dah nak mrngadu dengan dia.. aku maluuu
aku malu.. bila dia selalu ada untuk asfa.. tapi asfa ni.
mcm perempuan bodoh jak..

i had a bad dream lastnight..
i dream that we broke up..
dalam mimpi tu..
amjan nemau dah tengok muka asfa..
dia block asfa .
dia nemau dah dgr suara asfa.
dia nemau dgr dh.. smua tentang asfa.
dia tak kesah pun..
dia langsung x kesah..
sampai satu malam..
asfa x tahan tanggung rindu..
malam2 time hujan lebat..
asfa bejalan kaki.. dr kongsi 10 ke kongsi lapan..
asfa menangis depan rumah amjan.
asfa kol dia..
dia tak angkat..
bepuluh kali pun asfa kol dia tak angkat...
sampai.. arin turun.. dr rumah..
dia suruh asfa balik..
dia kata.. abg amjan x mau jumpa kakak..
im crying so hard in the rain..

teringat mimpi tu ..
buat asfa sedih sangat...

and.. pagi..
bila asfa bangun dr tidur jaa..
asfa tengok chat dia..
asfa dengar lagu yg dia bagi..
dengar jak lagu tu..
asfa teringat balik smua mimpi asfa..
asfa menangis lagi pagi tu..
asfa.. xda selera mau makan pun seharian..
asfa xda mood pun mau bgun dr katil..
xda mood mau ketawa..
semua xda..
asfa balik2 tgok ws jak..
balik2 tgok last chat nya jak..

and keep saying to myself..
"im useless"
"im useless"
"im useless"..
asfa takut dah mau chat dia..
asfa takut dia tak terima asfa..

if u said that im a crybaby..
cengeng apa semua..
u can said it all..
seeing ur man hurts..
ur baby hurts.. will hurt u more..
thats love..
asfa rasa sakit sangat..

i know..
mimpi cuma mainan tidur..
tp.. apa yg asfa mimpi tu.. seakan terasa benar..
its hurt ..
its huuuuuuuurrrtttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i miss u jan..
i miss u so much lastnight...
but u said.. u dont want me to disturb u.. and as soon u off ur phone lastnight..
it makes me feel so useless..
i cant do anything for u..
i hope u call me back..
but u dont..

i just dunno..
what should i do.. ?
what should i do?
what should i do?
am i really that useless!?

im just so sorry..
u can take my life jan.. for my punishment..
coz my life just for u..
seriously.. that dream tot me a lot..
jan.. if u hurt.. just be honest.. to me..
asfa netau sampai bila abg bole tahan.. smua ni..

i miss u..
dont leave me jan..
dont hate me.

Monday, 10 July 2017

simple talk..

Dear diary.. 
i love amjan.. so much.. 
so damn much.. 

i just cant stand to see him sad.. 
and see him feel bad bout me.. 
see him like that.. 
make me so awful.. 
and i dont want him to go away from me just to make me happy.. 

r u fool.. ?
im decided to be in ur life just to make u happy.. but u wanna go coz u wanna make me happy? 
stupid.. just not make any sense.. 

for seriously.. if u go.. 
it make me.. even sadder.. 

i want we both being happy.. 
please dont giving up wif me.. 

i tot he already sleeping.. 
i cried so hard.. 
thinking.. all of our journey.. 
experiences .. our memories.. 
from the beginning.. till now.. 
he ask me why i cried.. 
just bcoz of it.. 
just becoz i just think all the memories.. 
yeah it did makes me sad.. 
and makes me so much happy.. 
and.. the saddest part of relationship.. to see ur partner go.. 
and.. i dont wanna see u go.. 
i want to see u come.. to me.. 
searching.. over n over again.. 
 and yes.. i will do this.. to you too.. 

sokay.. if people think im desperate.. 
and yes i am.. 
i just.. dont wanna see my baby.. 
in other girls hands.. 

i hate it.. 

being silent.. is the best way to do.. 
u dont hurt other people.. 
just.. hurt urself.. 
and.. slowly.. 
will make urself calm.. as much as possible.. 

kalau dulu.. asfa 
asal stres jaa.. 
asfa suka mkn.. 
time matriks.. coklat lah.. selalu jd pilihan..
but now.. i hv him.. to confess my feelings.. my thoughts.. my craziness.. 
and kadang.. kalau asfa teringt satu benda lucu.. terus mcm.. mau gitau amjan ni.. 

i knew he also had lots of girls.. as a friend.. 
yah i trust him.. 
but seeing that thing.. the conversations.. still hurt me.. 

asfa ada kwn pempuan.. yg dia nemau boy dia.. comment or bgmbr ngn peempuan.. even family or his close friend.. 
klu mau jugak.. kena ada kwn laki lain seblh pempuan tu.. 
if i can.. 
i will want him to do it.. too.. 
but i wont...
i trust my man.. 

just.. dont be stupid to do all the bad things behind my back.. 
i will crush u.. 

love  u 17.. ❤

Blinking Domo